Liking people always seems to be such a frustrating pursuit for me. I don't ever want to make a grand leap of faith unless I have evidence that they share in the emotion and are tracking with me. But most of the time I am clueless and talk myself out of the situation picking on some "major flaw" as to why we wouldn't work out together. When I can't find one of those (but usually step one works) I move onto step two. The psych-out. Social media sites don't help one bit, they really just make me feel shitty and undesired. I mean I put out all this effort to spend time with you and you don't respond then I see that you've been out having your own fun. But this is just me being a drama-bat. Bluh... I mean I don't have to be the center of your life it is just frustrating that we can't slip into place and being like something that is easy. This is just all the spiraling down to me giving up. I mean if you really did want to be with me wouldn't you put in some more effort? It is so much fun when we hang out, I know you enjoy my company. But it is probably just... not in the way I would like. "Always going in opposite directions" but who can fully know and understand the minds and hearts of others?
I don't want to settle in life, there are people I can tell who like me... and sure I may enjoy spending time with those people but its just not the right fit. Never the right fit. I suppose it takes time to find that right person. But I hold so many frustrations in the meantime. It tugs at my emotions so much, I don't understand why. If I could be cold an callous it would almost be a desirable thing. But, no. I accept my emotional self. Emotion is not the enemy just the overbearing swells that come to knock me down. If I could stand triumphant I would. Instead of faltering at every step while I say I give up, it takes many stages in the spiral down to the full release. Stuttering shift down until I can dig my way out to the fresh air again. Until the spiral again. Why can't I like you when you like me. Or why can't you like me when I like you. Why is it never 1+1=2 ? There is just too many other variables that don't equate for us to figure out this problem together.
I don't want to settle in life, there are people I can tell who like me... and sure I may enjoy spending time with those people but its just not the right fit. Never the right fit. I suppose it takes time to find that right person. But I hold so many frustrations in the meantime. It tugs at my emotions so much, I don't understand why. If I could be cold an callous it would almost be a desirable thing. But, no. I accept my emotional self. Emotion is not the enemy just the overbearing swells that come to knock me down. If I could stand triumphant I would. Instead of faltering at every step while I say I give up, it takes many stages in the spiral down to the full release. Stuttering shift down until I can dig my way out to the fresh air again. Until the spiral again. Why can't I like you when you like me. Or why can't you like me when I like you. Why is it never 1+1=2 ? There is just too many other variables that don't equate for us to figure out this problem together.
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