Revisiting some old friends with a new mindset put me in a mood. I learned way more than was expected in the simplest of ways, who would have ever thought you could just ask and find out the answer to all your fragmented wonderings about things that seemed just a little bit “off.” The answer in itself is a little off too, but who am I in my ~great understanding of the world~ (note: sarcasm) to question things that don’t fit into my own perfect paradigm. I feel knocked a little of kilter. Perhaps not in the best of ways, but this can be potentially used to my advantage. This out of sync Kathryn needs not return to my secluded shelter seeking self. There is no requirement either that I lay bare my soul to the rest of the world, but a little inclusion-generating emotion-sharing isn’t out of the question.
Aside- Some phrases and expressions seem a little odd to me. I was trying to figure out something that fit the end of that sentence, I had a loose feeling that the words I was looking for weren’t far. First it came to me as “out of the equation,” and then I remembered it was “out of the question.” Does that mean that this little concession I make is not something that an implicit question excludes? I am uncertain, but the meaning is thought to be understood. So I leave it as is because I am not a wizard of extraordinary undiscovered expressions of parallel meanings.
Does everyone feel alone? To what degree… To what extent do they seek unsatisfying things to temporarily alleviate a pain that they hardly recognize for the numbing actions they have force fed this aching hunger of emptiness. Do you stick to one person to make it simple for yourself and hope an unnamed they will find someone else to commune with where you feel so woefully out of sync with their self-satisfied lifestyle? I may be over exaggerating just a little bit. I still have notice truly I am not the only one that feels alone, unrecognized, unimportant and an unending list of these similar things. Just because I now recognize that, does not make me any less inadequate to fulfill this need in others.
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